JULIUS CAESAR, INC.

A Shakespearean Office Comedy in Three Acts

🎭 Cast of Characters

Julius Caesar – CEO of RomeCorp, beloved by shareholders, feared by middle management
Marcus Brutus – Senior VP of Ethics & Compliance, torn between loyalty and performance reviews
Gaius Cassius – Ambitious Director of Strategic Planning (and office gossip)
Mark Antony – Head of Public Relations, master of spin and all-company emails
Calpurnia – Caesar’s spouse, who has read all the warning signs (and HR manuals)
Casca – IT specialist who “just reports what he sees”
Portia – Brutus’s partner, far more perceptive than anyone in the office
The Soothsayer – That one coworker who keeps predicting layoffs

🏢 Setting

The sleek, glass-walled headquarters of RomeCorp, a multinational conglomerate where ambition is high, morale is low, and the break room coffee is always just slightly burnt.

📖 Synopsis

When Julius Caesar returns from a wildly successful acquisition, the office is buzzing with rumors that he’s about to promote himself to “Executive Emperor.” Concerned about the future of the company (and their own job titles), a group of executives led by Cassius recruits Brutus to “fix” the situation.

What follows is a tense—but deeply petty—corporate power struggle involving secret Slack messages, suspicious calendar invites, and one very ill-advised “team-building” retreat.

After Caesar’s dramatic removal from leadership (during what was supposed to be a quarterly planning meeting), Mark Antony turns the office against the conspirators with a viral company-wide memo that begins:

“Friends, Romans, coworkers… lend me your inboxes.”

Chaos erupts as departments pick sides, productivity plummets, and HR desperately tries to schedule mediation sessions no one attends.

🎬 Director’s Note

In this modern adaptation, we explore timeless themes of ambition, loyalty, and betrayal—set against the equally timeless backdrop of office politics. Shakespeare’s language has been lightly “updated” to include phrases like “per my last email” and “circling back.”

We invite you to consider: Is Caesar truly a tyrant… or just a micromanager with a corner office?

💼 Notable Scenes

“Beware the Ides of March” → “Beware the Q1 Review”
The Conspiracy Meeting – Held awkwardly in a glass conference room labeled “Transparency”
Caesar’s Fall – Occurs mid-presentation, right after “Any questions?”
Antony’s Speech – Delivered via a perfectly crafted all-hands email (CC’d to everyone)

☕ Intermission

Please enjoy refreshments in the lobby:

Burnt coffee (regular and decaf)
Stale pastries
A passive-aggressive suggestion box

In the end, the question remains: Was this a tragedy… or just another Monday at the office?

Thank you for attending! Please silence your phones—and your group chats.